About me

Who am I? How did I go from being addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, and sugar to going vegan, heading down a path of healing, and creating Mom Vegan Love?

It’s not like I’ve arrived at some goal line and life’s all roses and vegan lollipops now. Hardly! I’ve simply realized that the journey is the goal. To always strive to improve and become the best version of myself. Every day I set and repeat my intention to choose love, gratitude, and joy. I choose to leave stress, fear, and worry behind. The best version of myself means being a better mother. A better partner. A better friend.

I know my kids are watching, and I’ve noticed that when I choose love, it leads them to choose happiness and live joyfully. With a good attitude, I can be their cheerleader and make them feel safe and loved. That’s the kind of home I choose to create. But I can be that person only if I allow myself time for self-care and relaxation. I have to put my oxygen mask on first. That’s hard to remember.

I started my journey of self-love after my oldest daughter and son were born. We lived in Chicago at the time, and I had settled on the idea that life was a struggle. So as my reward, I would “treat” myself with sugar, cigarettes, and drinks on weekends. And I’ve never been one to half-ass things. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person. So I’d smoke at least a pack a day. When we went out on weekends, I’d lose count of the number of drinks I felt I deserved. Another long, hard week? Time to treat myself into oblivion. As my children got older they became more aware of my behavior. They commented on my “fire sticks” and wondered why I smelled so bad after sucking on them. They noticed that Mom wasn’t available and would spend all day Sunday in bed “with a headache.” Their comments and concern opened my eyes. Their love allowed me to welcome a different way of being into my life.

The change started when the Universe, in its wonderful way, guided me to a person who had just that day got “the talk from the doctor.” She had to quit smoking, immediately!

This is who I ran into while I was hiding behind a clump of bushes at the playground, sucking on a cigarette. I was ashamed and aware of the damage cigarettes did to children, but I couldn’t “live” without a cigarette for more than an hour, so this was my crappy solution. I made sure the kids were okay by peeking through the bushes and keeping my ears open.

She noticed me and said: “Hey, do you know how this works?” She was desperately trying to put together a new nicotine contraption from the doctor while reading the instructions on a pack of nicotine gum. I was floored. Why aren’t our doctors encouraging us to quit nicotine altogether? Not just move to another channel that feeds our addiction. Couldn’t I trust anyone to make this decision for me? Darn it! My way out evaporated before my eyes. I knew for the first time that no one was coming to do it for me. I alone had to take the lead. I made the connection. In that moment, the blinders came off.

I finally realized how destructive my behavior was and how ridiculous I must have looked hiding in the bushes. I was no longer the “cool kid” I’d wanted to be when I started smoking 20 years prior. It struck me that if I kept this up, I likely wouldn’t be around for my kids when they got older. I realized that I wanted to take better care of myself so I could see them grow and thrive. I wanted to be a part of that journey. How could I get free?

During both of my first pregnancies, I quit smoking. (I’d do anything for my kids, right?) But as soon as they moved out of my body, I went back to my trusted friend. What didn’t I deserve after 40 weeks of growing a baby? For those temporary quits, I read Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking” and it worked for me. I even did acupuncture and hypnosis to help. But I wasn’t completely open to the message. I quit for the kids, not for myself. Now I see those efforts as steps toward understanding how easy it really was. I just had to make the connection first – I alone am in charge. I can take control and change the course of my life anytime I want. It was liberating!

I’d been waiting and waiting for a doctor or someone to tell me it was time to quit. But that was never going to happen. When I got to the last chapter of the book this time around, I really was thrilled to quit, just like it says. I was open to the reality that I had been tricked. My trusted friend had in fact been my worst enemy all along. I didn’t want to be tricked into believing that a drug was the only thing that could make me feel calm and happy. Or keep me company when I was lonely, or lift me up when I was sad. I’d wrapped up all these lies inside my addiction and truly believed that life without smoking wasn’t worth living. I’d bought all the advertising and brainwashing about cigarettes, insisting they were a treat that I deserved.

From there, I kept searching, reevaluating my life from this new and empowered point of view. I came across the movie “Forks Over Knives.” I was open to the message and decided to give it a try. Then I watched as my whole life began to change. What? Plants have protein! I don’t have to eat animals anymore! For me, it was as simple as aligning my love for animals with my habits and way of life. I also made the connection that alcohol was the same kind of “friend” that the cigarettes had been. I am proud to say that I have been free of cigarettes, alcohol and animal products for 5 years now. My soul is singing with joy. This is the beginning of a wonderful way to live life fully and completely! I’m home. And I can’t wait to see what’s next.

What’s your journey, your story? How can I help you on yours? My goal with Mom Vegan Love is to tell my story to show others what’s possible. Let love lead the way. Join the movement!

Sunny pictures of me taken by my talented daughter, Matilda. Thanks, sweetheart. Love you to the moon and back! Happy pictures of the kids taken by me.